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Sunday, May 9, 2010

What a difference a year makes?

Unfortunately, a year ago, as I sat on my couch blogging on Mother's Day, I never imagined that I'd be in pretty much the same place this year.  Not the same place on the couch...although I'm pretty sure I am in the same place on the couch.  Baby-wise, a year doesn't seem to have made any difference at all.  But at the same time, it seems to have made all the difference in the world.  I'll try to explain.

A year ago, I should have been 7 months pregnant.
This year, I should have a 10 month old and be 8 months pregnant.

A year ago I would have said there was no way I could go through the loss of another baby.
This year I know, though at the time I thought it might kill me, I really can get through anything.  With my faith, family and friends by my side, hope can survive.

A year ago, I think I was more bitter. 
This year, while still extremely sad, I'd like to think I've come a long way.  I have my moments of doubt and hopelessness.  But God has been good to me, and I'm trying very hard to focus on the blessings.

A year ago, I was aching for a baby.
This year, I still am.

Some things don't change.

As I take time today to focus on my loss, I'm also thinking of other women who have faced loss that will make today very difficult.  Women who have lost babies, yes, but also women that have lost their mothers.  I am so blessed to have my Mom with me (well, on a cruise actually, but you know what I mean) for Mother's Day.  I am so blessed to be able to spend Mother's Day with my wonderful Mother-in-law.  Amid the loss I feel, I know I am truly blessed in so many ways.


Anonymous said...

I love you, Lynn. Happy Mother's Day

Di said...

Visiting from BlogFrog. So sorry about your losses and hoping that you will be holding a baby in your arms soon.