Search This Blog

Monday, January 13, 2014


Death is a loss unlike any other.

It's not a "door closed, window open" kind of thing. There's no silver lining ahead. Life is not going to offer something better because we've lost Dave.

Houses can be rebuilt. New jobs can be acquired. A lousy break up can ultimately lead you to someone better.

But there's no new brother that will magically appear and fill the spot that is now permanently empty in my family. There's no bright side for parents who have lost their only son. How does a wife face a future without her soulmate?  And there's nothing good to be said about 2 boys who will barely even remember their Daddy.

My brother was 35. Only 2 years older than me. He'd done so much already, but still had so much more to do. I don't think I'll ever understand.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

My big brother

This picture was taken before my wedding ceremony.  Dave played and sang for us, "The Other Side of Me."  The song is definitely made for a husband and wife, but there are parts that I know apply to how I feel right now, as well as the rest of my family:
"I have know the emptiness
of feeling out of touch
And living life without you here
would be living half as much
Cause I've a need that only you can fill."
My brother was, hands-down, the funniest person ever.  Everything was fun if Dave was there.  He was always telling a joke, or a funny work story.  He loved to make fun of his sisters, and we loved being the subject of his joking around! 
There will be a constant hole in our family. 
There will always be a "what could have been..." feeling in my heart.
I know that my brother is in heaven.  He believed that Jesus died for him.  There is no doubt in my mind about that.  Our family reunion will be in heaven.  But it still hurts so much.
There are many times that this still feels unreal to me.  I see a picture of Dave and think, there's no way he's not really here.  It's just so hard to fathom that he's really gone, and gone forever.  No more tomorrows here on earth. 
So now we pick up the pieces and we try to carry on.
And we continue to believe that God is good, even when life is so unbearably hard.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014


My brother and my son, playing the guitar together.

On Monday, December 16, 2013, my brother was in an accident while working as a State Trooper on the NYS Thruway. 
He died the next day due to his injuries.
I have a lot I want to say about it.  Many things floating around in my head.  But I can't really get them out right now.
So for now, this is it.  I still have a hard time believing it's real.