Back & Forth

I've been sitting here going back and forth over whether or not I want to post.  I feel like I want to write, but at the same time feel like I don't really have the words to say what I want to say.

Today was Tyler's funeral.  Tyler was 12 years old.  I didn't know Tyler personally.  The only memory I have of him was quite a few years ago, when I was at my best friend Jamie's house, we walked to his house and played pickle.  :)  Jamie is Tyler's cousin.  The Noyes' are my main connection with the DeMarco's, as well as my husband working with Donnie, Tyler's Dad.

Two months ago, we thought the end was imminent.  It was my birthday, actually.  Tyler went downhill, fast.  I was on the phone with Jamie constantly receiving updates.  Donnie was praying for just a little more time, while it seemed like Tyler was slipping away.

Well Donnie and the rest of his family received an amazing answer to prayer.  They got to spend another 2 months with their Amazing Tyler.  The days weren't easy, and neither were the nights.  Vision issues, balance problems, insomnia, new chemo drugs, devestating MRI's, seizures, among many other physical and emotional concerns.  Yet the DeMarco family held tight to their faith and their God, believing that God had the power to heal Tyler.

On Tuesday, February 23, 2010, Tyler received his healing.  His ultimate healing.  God called him home.  No more pain for Tyler.  No more drugs, tests, IV's, weakness, sickness, pain, sorrow, cancer.  It's so hard to understand why God chooses to heal some on earth, while others He doesn't.  But we know Tyler is with Jesus.  His earthly body, ravaged by this devestating disease is no more. 

Today was the celebration of Tyler's life.  Albeit, much too short a life.  But Tyler has touched so many people in the short time he was here on earth.  It was an amazing service, and a packed house.  All who were there know exactly where Tyler is, and that his faith in God is what led him home.  It was a tear-jerker, for sure, but we only cry for ourselves and the pain here on earth.  The pain we see Donnie, Pam and Ryan having to suffer through.  We all know Tyler is in a better place, but that doesn't take the pain away.

Driving to the cemetery was quite the experience.  Talk about an impressive police escort!  Even that had me in tears.  Seeing how the PD takes care of its own...the pall bearers were all detectives who work with Donnie.  The pain was evident on all of their faces.  Pulling into the cemetery I commented to John, once again, how this is just not the way it's supposed to be.  Driving by gravestones, I couldn't help but think a parent should not be picking out a burial plot for their son, it should be the other way around.  I know, obviously, God's plans are not our plans.  His ways are so much higher, we can't grasp His ultimate reason for why He does what He does.  And this is one of those times when I can't help but question. 

The service at the graveside was short and painful.  Watching a family say a final earthly goodbye to their beloved son and brother was heart wrenching.  I almost felt at one point like I was spying on a private moment that no one else was meant to be a part of.  I can't imagine the pain they were feeling as they placed flowers on the casket, held each other, cried painful tears and gave a gentle kiss on the smooth wood that would forever hold the body of their son.

All the way from the cemetery to Mallozzi's I had a hard time keeping it together.  Scenes of the day kept replaying through my mind.  The mood was noticably lighter at the dinner, thankfully.  It was a good time there, with good food.  We said goodbye, with promises of prayer, and headed home.

Now I feel emotionally spent.  I continue to pray for Donnie, Pam & Ryan.  How do they go back to their 'old life' when it's nothing like it was before?  It must feel like they're starting over, finding a new normal, and trying to carry on while forever holding Tyler in their hearts.  Would you please pray for the DeMarco's in the coming days?  It's not going to be easy...but they'll be fine.  With God's help, they'll be fine.