dumb dog

I just got home from work.  There's nothing like coming home everyday to a loving, devoted husband dog.  John's at work.  It's great coming home to him too!  But honestly, he doesn't get all excited and greet me at the door with his tail wagging.  :)

So here I am, all ready to pet the dog and get some Zoe lovin'.  Then I see it: the magnets on the floor; Pastor Jim and Martha's picture on the floor; a broken magnet on the floor.  As I turn toward the refrigerator I see the scratch marks.  The scratch marks that actually dug through the finish on the refrigerator. 

As I'm taking this all in, Zoe has gone down the few steps that lead to our outside door.  I glare at her.  Her ears go back in shame.  I hang up the phone with my mother, and the yelling begins.

I smacked her on the snout once and yelled "Bad girl!" about a dozen times.  She kept trying to creep away from me, but I kept yelling at her to come back.  I was mad.  She's done this before, and it ticks me off.  We don't know what triggers it.  Maybe it's payback for us leaving.  Maybe someone was ringing the doorbell.  Who knows.  It's not acceptable behavior.  And she knows it.

So I finish my tirade and finally let her outside.  Muttering "Bad girl" the whole time.  While she's outside I fill her food dish then call John to complain.  Usually Zoe will bark pretty quickly to come in and eat dinner.  She doesn't bark.  So I finally go and let her in.  She tries to sniff my hand, looking for a pet, but I move it away, and start in with the "Bad girl" again.

I tell her to go downstairs.  (We send her down into the basement so her paws will dry off a bit.  Less mud in the house.)  I consider shutting her down there for a minute or two.  Usually she flies down the stairs, then flies back up them.  I decide not to shut her down there, and wait for her to come up.

I wait.  And I wait.  And I wait some more. 

Wow.  She must realize how mad I am.

Good.

I make my way into the living room and open up my laptop.  Eventually I hear little paws on the stairs.  Then I hear them on the kitchen linoleum.  She peeks her head into the living room, sees me sitting there, and decides to avoid me and go get a drink. 

She's now laying on the living room floor, looking quite depressed.  She has yet to eat her dinner, which is sitting in her bowl. 

I guess I got my point across.

wanna keep reading?

I've made the decision to make my blog private.  I've seen some scary stuff happening recently, as far as people's pictures being stolen and used (as a lie!) on another blog.  So...that's that.

I'm not sure exactly how it's going to work.  I think you'll have to actually sign in under a blogger account to read my blog.  (Anyone can have a blogger account!  You don't have to have a blog!)  If you want to be sure not to miss anything, leave me a comment with your email address and I'll send you any information you might need.  I'll be making this official within the next couple days.

Thanks!

**EDIT** For sure, leave your email address in a comment, and I will 'invite' you to be a reader so you'll have access to my blog.  :)

Wordless Weekend

Someone in our house has become obsessed with the new (old) Pepsi throwback.

And it's not me.

disconnect

I am so ready to disconnect for awhile.

I love my computer, I'm obsessed with facebook, and blogging is such a great outlet for me.  Is it just because I'm nosy, like John says?  Maybe.  But I love to be connected and know what people are doing.  Mostly because I'm so bad at keeping in touch, and if I didn't have facebook, or read the blogs of long-distance friends, I would have no idea what was up in their lives.

But...

John and I are leaving tomorrow.  We're hoppin' on the train and leaving this world of 'connection' behind.  Our hotel has free wi-fi.  My laptop is staying home.  It's a time of disconnect for us, from everyone else, while we have a time of reconnect for ourselves.  And we are so looking forward to it.

Not that we're disconnected from each other now...but I can't even put into words how excited I am for this weekend getaway.  I really wish we could leave the cell phones behind too (especially his) but I guess I'll take what I can get.

I'll take lots of pictures, do lots of fun things and post a blog when I get home.  But until then (well, starting tomorrow)...I will be disconnected!

please explain

Could someone please explain this to me?

How many hundreds...thousands...more?...of women get pregnant every year, unintentionally.  They're not trying to get pregnant.  They don't want to get pregnant.  They don't want a baby.  Kids get pregnant.  Drug-addicted women get pregnant.  Unmarried women get pregnant. 

Then there are women like me.  And believe me, I know I'm far from alone in this scenario.  I stick to my morals.  I do things at the right time, in the right order.  I have health insurance.  I have a house.  I have a loving marriage.  An amazing family and support system. 

Why is it that the world works like this?  Just give the babies to the people who want them and can care for them!  Why can't it be that way??

Don't answer that.  I know there's no answer that will make me feel better anyway.  Just needed a little vent.

ick

Sick, sick, sick.  It stinks to be sick.  And I am so very rarely sick.  Being sick and thinking about being sick reminds me of a poem I had to memorize when I was in 5th grade.  It was "Sick" by Shel Silverstein.  The whole poem was the child naming off all her (quite imaginative) ailments, proving why she can't go to school today.  I've forgotten all the exact words, but I do remember the end:

"What?  What's that you say?  You say today is Saturday?  Goodbye!  I'm going out to play!" 

I wish I was sick on a workday, so I could call in sick!  Instead, I'm sick on a weekend.  And a 3-day weekend at that!  Stink, stink, stink.

I was able to get all the laundry done yesterday, and clean out my dresser, along with my side of the closet.  Good thing, because today after church I took a nap, watched football, and just relaxed.  I did, however, just wash all the dishes.  And there were a lot. 

Now I'm watching the Golden Globes.  Hoping for a little bit more of a productive day tomorrow.

my secret dream

I watch American Idol almost religiously, along with, I'm sure, many of you.  My hubby's not a huge fan.  Honestly, he hates the show.  He knows it's all scripted, he knows it's a racket, he knows the whole thing is rigged.  Me?  I don't care.  So if he's home, I DVR it and get to fast forward through the commercials.

If there's one regret I may have to live with my entire life, it's that I'll never get to be on American Idol.  Don't laugh!!  I don't even know why I really want to be on the show.  I don't have a great voice.  I can carry a tune well, harmonize and sing pretty much anything.  But to get through to Hollywood, you've got to have that special 'something' that most people don't posess! 

I would never audition for the show.  First of all, I couldn't handle the rejection.  Second of all, I really have no desire to be on television.  And if by some miracle I made it, I wouldn't want to be away from my husband and family.

So why would I want to be on the show?  I think just for the chance to perform all different kinds of songs  in front of all different kinds of people!  Not that I really like to perform anyway...but I guess if I could choose one thing I'd like to do the rest of my life, it's sing.

Oh well.  Not meant to be.  That I can tell you for certain.  I'll just stick to "ABC's" and "I'm a Little Teapot."  The current favorites in my classroom.  I'll shine where I am.  :)

frytastic

This has been an insanely busy week!

I babysat this weekend, which was fun!  I honestly haven't babysat anyone besides family in years.  The extra money is nice.  Maybe I'll start doing it more, on nights when John is working.  May as well.

Church was good on Sunday.  Really good.  Church is sometimes a difficult place to be.  When you're going through tough things, atleast for me, church just makes me cry.  And the message just added to my emotionalness.  So, I cried some on Sunday.  Then Mrs. Kaz came up to me after church and gave me a huge hug and said she'd been thinking of me all throughout the message.  I cried again.

This week has been a lesson in deep frying.  Sarah gave me a deep fryer for Christmas and I love it.  Well, we've only used it twice so far, but we really do love it!  We made onion rings and french fries.  Yum.  I want to try mozzarella sticks and jalapeno poppers.  Kind of negates the George Foreman...because we've been doing the meat in there, while we deep fry the rest.  LOL!  Oh well, it's not everyday.

Tomorrow's my day off, and boy do I need it.  It's been an exhausting week.  Work for 10 and a half hours everyday, then home to cook dinner, do dishes, clean up, watch some TV and go to bed!  I'm looking forward to sleeping in, doing some cleaning and laundry, and maybe working on a project I'd love to finish!

What Not to Wear, er, Say

There are times in life when people say the wrong thing.  It's not so difficult to be gracious and just think to yourself, "Well, they meant well."

However, there are times in life when the crap you're dealing with is enough to break you, and the well-intentioned comments that come may just be what sends you over the edge.

I hesitate to write this, because I don't want to seem ungrateful for the compassion and outpouring of love and prayer I've received over the past months.  I've been so grateful for each and every person

But honestly, before going through the loss of my pregnancies, I was probably that person.  The one who means well.  The one who cares.  The one who prays for comfort and wishes for the pain to go away.  The one who just wants to make it better for that person that is hurting.

But I would be unknowingly hurting the other person.

So, while I can't speak on other traumatic and heartbreaking situations in life, here are some things that are just hard to hear when someone is facing the loss of a baby.  Maybe you're someone who's always stuck not knowing what to say.  Stick with me till the end, there's one phrase that (for me) always helps!

"It just wasn't the right time."  Actually, it was.  I was pregnant.  And now I'm not.  It was the right time for me.

"Something better will come along."  Seriously? 

"When God closes a door, he opens a window."  Blah.  That is dumb and has nothing to do with losing a baby, or child.  I've heard it in referece to both.

"It wasn't God's time."  Duh.

"Just think of how you'll be able to help other people who go through this."  Okay, true enough.  That's already happened with me.  But, forgive me for being selfish, but I don't really care about helping other people when I'm in the midst of a miscarriage.  If that makes me a bad person, so be it.

"Now you have more time to prepare/save/spend time together before you have a baby."  (Big annoying buzzer sound here.)  Not the thing to say to someone whose only prayer is to have a baby!

"I'm praying for you."  Okay....this is the winner!  The only thing that, no matter what my mood is, I appreciate.  Because I know prayer is the only thing that gets me through!

And honestly, if someone asked you the right thing to say to a person experiencing the loss of a baby, there is no right answer.  Anything you say can be perceived as harsh, uncaring or unkind.  As if women aren't moody enough, throw in pregnancy hormones along with losing that baby.  It's a wonder we don't explode from all of it!

Again, a big thank you to anyone who's cared enough to send me a card, email or message.  To anyone who has gone out of their way to be sensitive, see how I'm feeling or tell me they're praying for me.  Thanks for the prayers, they're helping!!!

Friday night book wreath!

Look

what

I

did!

P.S. The sun is shining!

projects

I'm working on a new project!

I'll definitely post pictures when I'm all done!

This first project is coming along better than I expected!

And there's another project I'm working on as well.

I'll give you a hint: I'll never be able to read these books again.

Atleast, not in their entirety.

This project hasn't really been started yet.

But I'll post pictures when I'm done!

prenatals

I've been taking prenatals for...well over a year.  I started taking them in September of 2008, before I was even pregnant.  I ran out in October of 2008.  (It was only a month's supply, obviously.)  I went a few days without them, thinking "what's the big deal?"  (And there was no big deal.)  But funny thing, a few days later I found out I was pregnant! 

Interestingly enough, I was also out of pills for a few days in late September 2009.  I had reached the point of frustration with trying to get pregnant, and again thought, "who cares?  no big deal."  Ha!  October 3rd I found out about my second pregnancy.

I haven't missed a night of taking my vitamin since then, with the exception of about a full week after I lost each baby.  It kind of felt like...what the heck is the point?  But both times I got quickly back on the band wagon.

I say all this to say...I've been without prenatal vitamins for the past 3 days.  What do they say about history repeating itself?  I can only hope!

(Don't worry, I went out and bought some.)

It's Tuesday...and I have no title for this...

I love my new hair dryer.  Dries faster and better.

I really need a haircut.  But no time to do it.  Becky, what days do you work again???  And what hours???

This new year has been busy, but nothing blog-worthy going on.  I'm working on some of my resolutions.  And one I forgot to post...caffeine detox.  I'm already drinking only 1 cup a day, down from 3 or 4!

On Sunday (throwing my 'eat better' resolution out the window) I made homemade bread, baked ziti and salad.  And homemade cinnamon buns.  I also made 'Cinnabon' frosting to go with them.  Yum.  It's better than eating out, right?  And we had leftovers for Monday.  And maybe Tuesday too.  :)

locked in

So, we totally got locked into Sears last night.

We had a yummy dinner at Delmonico's, then headed to Colonie Center with plans to see a movie.  We bought tickets for Sherlock Holmes about an hour in advance, then decided to walk around the mall for a bit.  Most of the stores were closed (the mall closed at 5pm!  what the heck?) but the bigger stores like Boscov's and Sears were still open. 

We walked into Sears at just about 6pm and were looking at some cute Giants baby outfits.  We glanced up and noticed that the huge opening that led to the mall, which we'd just walked through seconds earlier, was now covered with a huge gate.  Hmmm...no announcement saying they were closing.  No 'half way' gate to indicate closing was imminent.  We glanced around, and some worker guy said we'd have to go out downstairs into the mall.  So we followed him down the escalator, only to find that entrance was all closed up too.

So....we had to go OUTSIDE, then back in through a mall entrance.  Very weird, very annoying, very cold, and what a waste of time!

We made it back to the theater in plenty of time.  We got good seats (the theater was packed, so we were glad we got there pretty early) and enjoyed the movie.  Good movie.  We spent the rest of our New Year's Eve playing games and watching TV!

I do hereby resolve...

There is nothing like a fresh start.

What is it about the flip of a calendar page that makes me feel as though I can conquer anything?

Why is it that I put things off (starting in October) and file them under my 'things to do in the new year' list?

Regardless of the emotions and procrastination that order my life, there is nothing like a fresh start.

So, on the advice of a as of yet no longer anonymous commenter, I've decided to run a poll of sorts.  What would you like to see me do in the new year?


Have a baby.  Ha!  Everybody better vote for this one.  And pray for this one!

Keep up with correspondence.  Well, mainly thank you notes and the like.  I'm horrible at that!

Eat healthy.  We eat way too much crap.  We eat out too often.  I'm doing this regardless of whether or not people vote for it.  :)  More home cooking, especially with my new George Foreman.

Exercise.  I don't want to put this one on here, because I don't want to do it.  So please, pretty please, don't vote for this one.

Read.  In particular, the Bible.  I've been really slacking in that area.

Clean.  Or should I say, keeping up with cleaning.  I do well for awhile, then it seems all of a sudden (even though I know it can't be all of a sudden) my house is in shambles.  I think my New Year's resolution should be to get a maid.

Quit the credit cards.  I've been doing better, but every once in awhile I use one.  It gives me chills just thinking about it.  Should I cut them all up?

Maybe...take a photography class?  I've wanted to do this for awhile.  Who wants to take one with me??

Blog, atleast every other day.  I've been more consistent lately, but there have been months (see: March 2009) where I've only blogged once.  Not good.


So I don't know if this is really a list of resolutions, as much as it is a list of things I don't do that I wish I did.  Or things I do do that I wish I didn't.  Ha.  Regardless, I'd like your input.  Where should I focus my attention?  What should I zero in on 'improving' in this new year?  Vote for a couple in the comments and stay tuned to hear how I'm doing!

Happy New Year!!