never alone.

I'm contemplating having to buy a condolence card.  I have to get out and purchase it.  But that's the easy part.

In light of what is nothing short of a massive tragedy, I have found myself trying to make sense of that which makes no sense.  I've been thinking about it a lot.  Putting myself in the place of parents who have lost a son.  Friends who have lost their friend.  Siblings who have lost their brother.

Thinking of final hours, moments, is not easy.  It's not pleasant.  It's heart-wrenching.

But here's what I've come up with.  It gives me some small measure of peace to understand it this way.

When Jesus died on that cross, taking your sin and mine upon Himself, God turned His face away.  According to Jesus' own words, he was forsaken.  I'm no theologian, so no judgement here please, this is just how I understand it.  Because of the ugliness of MY sin, YOUR sin, Jesus was forsaken by his Father.  God turned His back on Jesus in his death.

But.

Because of Jesus dying alone for me and for you, this dear one did not die alone.  None of us know exactly what happened in those last moments.  It can be excruciating to go there in your mind.  But here's what I do know: Jesus died a horrible death, alone on that cross, so that this one would NOT be alone.  Regardless of anything, he was not alone.  Jesus was there.  Because He would not turn his back on him. 

This helps me a little.  Thinking of a loved one being alone in the end is sad.  But he wasn't alone.  God was there, because He loved him.  Anyone who accepts the gift God so freely gives will never be alone.  No matter how deep the despair, how painful the loss, God is there. 

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves

those who are crushed in spirit." 

Psalm 34:18

happy christmas

Blessed in so many ways, we had an amazing Christmas.  Celebrating JJ's first Christmas was so much fun.  He really got into opening the presents; he loved ripping the paper!

He even enjoyed pulling stuff out of his stocking.  There were some yummy treats in there!

Mommy was very spoiled and received a very nice camera that she wanted (Canon Rebel T3).  This resulted in maaaaany pictures being taken!  Unfortunately, none of my Christmas Eve pictures with the Nuzback's came out.  Christmas Day we headed over to the Cunniff Christmas and we had tons of fun!

I'm glad the busy-ness of Christmas is over, but the time spent with family was wonderful!  We truly are blessed!!



Nine Months

Eating

JJ's still on his same eating schedule.  The only differences are the new foods he eats!  Pretty much anything I'm eating that I think he might like, I let him try.  He loooooves mashed potatoes and rolls (he is his father's son).  He's tried tons of things, and he likes them all.  He really enjoyed feeding himself mashed potatoes the other night.  What a mess!  And what fun!  :)

Sleeping

Nothing really new here.  He's still a great sleeper.  Sometimes his naps are a little shorter than others, but he'll just hang out in his crib if he wakes up early.  Such a great kid.  A few times lately, though, he's woken up from his nap too early, so he's still really tired, but he sits up and then instead of laying back down he just cries and cries.  I go in, lay him down and give him his binky, and he almost always goes right back to sleep.

Playing

JJ still loves to play.  He has tons of toys (even more now, since he was so blessed at Christmas!) and he loves to sit and play.  However, now that he's mobile (more on that below!) he only wants to play with things that aren't toys.  Like computer cords.  And Daddy's papers.  And basically anything that's not meant for him!  :)  He's learning what no means, and we're doing a lot of redirecting!  He loves to play with tupperware on the kitchen floor while I'm doing dishes or cooking, so that helps me get things done!

Developing

We have a CRAWLER on our hands!  One day he started moving forward, and he hasn't looked back since!  He doesn't seem too interested in trying to walk, but he does love to stand by things.  He pulls himself up to his knees.  Only once have I seen him attempt to get up to his feet, but he gave that up quickly.  :)  He tried to pull himself up by a dining room chair and it tipped over and landed on him.  :(  Poor baby.  He cried, but some hugs and kisses from Mommy helped him feel better.  He feeds himself all kinds of things now, he claps his hands, he makes all kinds of silly faces and he sounds like he's trying to sing.  He is SUCH a happy boy, always smiling and laughing.  We have so much fun with him.  I've honestly enjoyed every stage with him, but John is really enjoying this stage.  :)  Oh, we now have 4 teeth!  And he is never cranky!!  Just extra droolly, and then the teeth appear!

Stats

His 9-month appointment isn't until after the New Year, so I'll update back here with his stats after that.  He's been healthy and happy, I couldn't ask for anything more!  **UPDATE** At 9.5 months JJ weight in at 20 lbs and 3 oz, and was 28 and 3/4 inches.  My perfectly average boy, 50th percentile for both!  (Also may have some signs of allergies.  Watching that.)

outtakes:

what? i have a blog?

I could blame, blame, blame, but truth is, I think of blogging and just don't.  When I just signed on here I found JJ's 8 month post waiting to be finished and published.  Today he turns 9 months.  Shame on me.

There's been lots of changes going on over here.  Work, automobile, baby changes.  I'll save the baby changes for JJ's 9 month post, which I promise to get to.  As for the other changes?

John should be starting his new (working days, weekends and holidays off!) job by the end of January.  We could not be more excited!  His crazy shifts never bothered us too much before, but now that JJ's around a more normal schedule will be most welcome. 

We sold my Toyota.  *sniff, sniff*  It was time.  I loved that car so much, but with John driving a Chief vehicle for another year, plus having the Jeep, it didn't make sense to keep it.  Logistically or financially.  (Note to self: stop forgetting to cancel the car on the insurance!!)

My past month at work has been busy.  Christmas Programs, staff party (which resulted in JJ's first sleepover at Grammy & Grampy's) and just keeping up with my regular stuff.  I love what I do there and I'm blessed with an amazing place to work.

JJ and I spent Thanksgiving in Indian Lake because John had to work.  We had lots of fun!  It was a whirlwind 24 hour trip, but he was a trooper.  It was nice to be in Indian Lake for Thanksgiving again, I hadn't been there in 5 years (for Thanksgiving...I've been there for other things)!

Our days and weeks fly by.  I'm soaking in every minute with my little man and I'm so thankful to be able to be a part of so many special moments with him.  While wrapping Christmas presents I had to choke back tears when I filled out a tag that said, "To JJ, Love, Mommy & Daddy."  When I think of how blessed we are with him...it makes me so happy it hurts.  I'm so excited to experience his first Christmas with him.  Every day with him is a blessing I don't take for granted.  I wish everyone got to see what a happy, adorable, playful boy he is all the time.

Okay...I'll be back either later tonight or tomorrow with a 9-month update.  I promise.  Until then I have London Broil to broil and potatoes to cook and mash. 

Eight Months

Eating

JJ is still eating 4 times a day.  Sadly, we're done nursing.  I'll admit, it is a little nice to be done, but I was sad at first when I realized it was really over.  :)  JJ eats 6 oz at 8am, then has fruit, 8 oz at 12pm, 6 oz at 4pm, then veggies/meat and fruit, and 8 oz at 7:30pm.  Lately he has tried stuffing, Aunt Christine's sweet potato praline and ice cream.  He likes it all!

Sleeping

JJ is in bed from 8pm-8am (unless I'm working, then he's up at 6:30).  Sometimes he's awake at 7:30, but he stays in bed until 8.  He hasn't been sleeping on his tummy at all lately, but he has been using his binky!  He loves his binky now.  When we're home he naps from 10-12 and from 2-4.  Even with teething going on he still sleeps soooo well.

Playing

He still loves to sit or lay and play for long periods at a time.  He rolls all around the living room, or just stays by his toy bin and pulls everything out.  He got a hand-me-down farm from his cousins and he loves it!!  He really likes all his toys and John says he has a good imagination to sit and play so long.

***disclaimer***
this post was never finished.  i hesitate to try and finish it now, one month later, at the risk of getting things wrong.  my sincerest apologies to my little man for neglecting to document this milestone!  :)  but you may as well enjoy the picture...

 

mishmash

First real temper tantrum occured tonight!!  (I'm not as excited as the exclamation points would indicate.)  It was cute, it really was, but I know it won't be cuter as time goes by.  He wanted to touch the tub plug that was on the side of the bathtub.  I told him no, and he didn't touch it.  Then he reached to touch it again.  I sternly said, "JJ, no."  He pulled his hand away, then proceeded to cry like a little baby.  (Yes, I know, he is a little baby.)  Then he kicked his feet in the water, just to let me know exactly how upset he was.  He kept looking back at the tub plug, then crying harder.  Seriously, the most pathetic, funny and possibly scary glimpse into the future I've had thus far.

And he fell asleep tonight while I was feeding him.  First time he's done that in a long time!  So of course I lifted him up to my shoulder and laid on the couch with him like that for quite awhile.  I'm definitely a fan of putting him to bed when he's awake, in his own crib.  But I'm also a fan of enjoying those little moments that are gone before you even know it. 

Oh yeah.  Exactly 8 months ago I was in labor.  Massive labor.  Can't believe how long it's been, and that tomorrow my little man will be 8 months old!  Time to take a new picture and write a monthly update!

Don't Forget...

The way he wobbles his head when he's being silly, then waits for me to do it, then he does it again.

How he pulls the bottle out of his mouth when he's had enough, holds it up, and starts talking to it.

His little fingers scratching against his mattress.

How his frown turns upside down when I sit down next to him to play.

The way he empties his entire toy box all over the living room floor.

Sometimes in the morning when I get him up, he has one binky in his mouth and one in his hand. 

JJ wants to play with anything that is not his.  Remote, phone, paper, whatever.

His feet go a mile a minute.  Seriously, all the time.

Friday Phone Dump

time to clean the tub

reading books on mommy & daddy's bed

trying to keep him up for the time change.  and failing.

love this little face!

thanks Livy

all free

love my big boy thomas pj's

this never gets old

of course.  what I need is gone.

Today

I thought I had time to write, but a train whistle just woke up my snoozing baby.  So we'll see how long I get.

Today is a house-overhaul kind of day.  We had a very busy weekend, and glancing around the house, it shows.  I did manage to get the laundry done (and folded!), but it sits in piles throughout the living room.  If we just keep wearing stuff, eventually the piles will be gone, right?

Today is a dinner-for-lunch kind of day.  John has to work later, so we're going to have Pasta Alfredo (homemade!) for lunch, which will give us both leftovers for dinner; me at home, him at work.

Yesterday was a miss-my-baby-while-working kind of day.  I stepped into the baby room for about a half hour to cover a break.  While playing with those smiley babies and giving a bottle, I couldn't help but miss my little man who was spending the day with Grammy.  Lucky him.  Lucky Grammy.

Tomorrow will be a busy, long work day.  Mainly packing boxes for Operation Christmas Child.  I gotta get in all my baby snuggles today, because there won't be many tomorrow!

Today is all I'm promised.  So I'm gonna go rescue my babbling baby from his crib and give him kisses.  It's amazing how much I miss him, just over night.

Who gets to choose?

At the risk of opening up a can of worms, I have some thoughts on my mind.  And since this is my space, I'm gonna let 'em out!

After the announcement of baby number 20 on the way to the Duggar household, I was a little surprised by the reactions I heard.  In all honesty, I believe my initial thought was, "Really?  Another one?"  But that was mild when you consider what other people were saying.  And loudly voicing.

I know the Duggar's are public figures, and therefore pretty much putting themselves out there for public scrutiny.  But the more I think about the reactions they're getting, the sadder I get.

November is the month that I lost 2 babies.  The most tragic and sad days of my life.  Those were babies that we wanted, that we were ready to welcome with open hearts.  Now, we have our wonderful son.  The excitement over his arrival from the very first day we found out he was on his way was monumental. 

Can you imagine announcing your pregnancy and being met with rolled eyes, mentions of 'birth control' and much, much worse?  I can't.  And who the heck are we to say how many children someone should have?

Here's my main point, since I seem to be having trouble getting to it:  The world is all about choice.  A woman's right to choose.  And I can't help but see the irony in this situation.  A woman can choose to abort her baby, and the majority of people think there's no problem with that and will stand up for her right.  But a woman deciding to have her 20th child (when they can afford them, and seem to have a loving home), people don't think she should have that choice?  Does that seem like a double standard to anyone else??  Worse than a double standard, since women are given the right to abort their baby, which is murder, like it or not.  And women are slammed for bringing life into this world, regardless of their ability to provide for and love those children.

I guess I'm done.  While I do wonder how the Duggar's can possibly come up with another 'J' name, I would like to offer my congratulations to them.  A new baby is a blessing.  A new baby should be celebrated whether it's number 1 or number 34.  It's a miracle that not all women are afforded.  Will I have 20 children?  I can pretty much say with all assurance that I won't.  But if you want to, and can do so without government assistance, more power to you.  If there were 20 JJ's in my house, I can't imagine anything better than that. 

Except maybe a bigger house.  :)

Made for this.

I was totally made for this.

And nothing makes me happier!

I am so blessed to be Mommy to this adorable boy.

It's impossible to have a bad day with him around!

I love you JJ!



Friday Phone Dump

coupons in the mail!

JJ the tiger

drink of choice

niece & nephew

we sit on our bottoms in the tubby!

don't think you'll be able to reach...

picture to send to Daddy while he's away

playing with a pitcher so Mommy can make some applesauce

My Little Tiger

JJ had a great time at Trunk or Treat Sunday night at our church!

His favorite 'treat' was this kazoo.  He chewed on it for no less than 30 minutes while we strolled around to the many trunks!

It was chilly out, but he didn't seem to mind.  He enjoyed spending some time with his cousins!

There was a very angry bird:

A pirate that wouldn't pause for a picture:

A beautiful Tinkerbell:

And a cute little puppy:

What a group!

And a few more of my little tiger:

He was so tired...this is him sucking on his pacifier when we got home. 

Unfortunately I didn't get any pictures of the festivities...apparently I was a little more focused on the kids!  But it was a great time and I can't wait till next year!  I wonder what he should dress up as...