Gripe

So I was just reading through random lists of what to do before baby comes...and what you have to have.  Granted, I think I know most of the stuff, but I'm bored with nothing else I can really do.  So I'm reading things to get me (even more!) excited about our little baby-on-the-way.

Wow.  My enter key just stopped working.  It's working again, obviously, because I've moved on to another paragraph.  Anyway.

(It worked this time.)  One of the things I should have on hand is gripe water.  I've heard this term before, but never really knew what it was, or what it was used for.  This article says it's used to calm babies with colic.  Okay, cool.  It also says it contains alcohol.  What?!  Isn't that a little...strange?  That people give this to newborns with alcohol in it? 

Maybe they don't all contain alcohol.  Who knows.  Does anybody use this?  Does it work?  Does the baby wake up with a hang over???

11 weeks today!

First things first.  In case I haven't mentioned it, I am so over the moon happy to be expecting this baby!!!  If that gets lost in all the complaining, well, I'm sorry.  I don't mean for it to.  I just never realized how bad pregnancy sickness (I am unwilling to call it morning sickness from hence forward) can be.

Only 29 more weeks to go, and even if I'm sick the whole 29 weeks (please, God, NO!) I know that it'll be worth it.  I try to keep looking forward to the day I deliver my baby.  That moment when they lay the bloody, gooey miracle on my chest.  I honestly bawl sometimes just thinking about it.  (Truth be told, I cry at pretty much anything these days.)

I also can't wait to find out if we're having a boy or girl.  I can't wait to pick out the nursery decorations.  I can't wait to register and pick out all the tiny little things we'll be using to take care of our baby.  I can't wait to introduce our baby to our families.  (I can't wait to not be sick anymore!)

So even though a lot of my blogging and status updates have to do with, well, um, complaining, I just want to set the record straight.  Yes, I complain because I feel like crap.  I'm weak from puking and no food.  But in the end, I'm really, truly happy.  I'm already in love with our baby and can't wait to hold him or her in my arms!!

sick,sick,sick

Well, the last three days have consisted of me leaving work early on Monday (due to not feeling well), spending Tuesday on the couch, barely able to drink a sip of water, and now Wednesday I still sit on the couch.  I've eaten some: grapes (red!), Ramen soup, a cheese stick and some nuts.  (That's over the past 3 days...)  My parents also brought me some ensure today.  I'm hoping that will help a lot.

I really have nothing else to say, and I don't feel like typing.  I can't afford being out of work anymore, so I'm hoping to be able to go back tomorrow.  I've been taking the Zofran and it hasn't been doing too awful much for me.  We're refilling my (expensive) prescription today. 

Oh, and I have tons of awesome friends and family who have offered so many things, including paying for my prescription!!!  It's not a problem for us to buy it, it's just the fact that it's SO DUMB that my insurance doesn't cover it. 

I also have the best husband in the world.  I'm so thankful for him.  He works hard and is an amazing provider.  And he bought me red grapes when I needed them.  :)

How I feel...

Sometimes I'm surprised by how I feel.

Yes, there's a small part of me that is still fearful about this pregnancy.

But that's not what surprises me. 

What surprises me is the pain I still endure.  The hurt.  The heartache.

Knowing I have a healthy baby on the way should cure that.

Or so I thought.

But there's still this empty feeling, this ache.

Part of me just misses those babies.

And I wonder.

Will I feel like this forever?  Even when I'm holding my baby?

I'm thinking the pain will lessen.

But I don't really know.

There will always be something missing, I guess.

10 weeks, 1 day

This is a day in my pregnancy that I've been looking forward to so much.  Even more than I'm looking forward to the 2nd trimester!  This is the day in my last pregnancy that I started to miscarry.  Obviously, things are going much smoother this time, and I don't foresee any issues.  Still, this is a day I wanted to come (and go!) so that I can now, officially, be more pregnant than I've ever been.  :)

Things have not been easy lately.  I'm rationing my Zofran, and spending lots of days feeling sicker than I'd like to.  I'm hoping a couple more weeks will have me through the worst of it.  Especially because 2 weeks from yesterday, we'll be camping!

My house still suffers because of my lack of energy and my nausea, but I managed to do some dishes and laundry today.  Saturday I'll be getting my hair cut.  Baby steps to feeling normal.  :)

In the meantime I continue to nap when I can, eat whatever sounds palatable and spend lots of time on the couch.  I'm really excited to feel better and start working on the baby's room!  We've got a lot of clean up and decluttering to do!!

Appointment Number 2

Today I found out I'm O+.

Today I found out that if I need another (7 day) prescription of Zofran it will cost me $70.99.

Today I found out how easy it is to gain back weight when you're not feeling nauseous 24/7.

Today I found out I get another ultrasound in a few weeks.

Today I got to hear my baby's heartbeat for the first time.

As she was getting me ready to find the heartbeat, I was a little nervous.  Being only 9w2d, I wasn't sure if I was far enough along to hear it.  But hear it we did!  That little heart was pounding away (with mine in the background) at 166 beautiful beats per minute!

And yes, as my hubby asked, I did cry.  :)

Preggo stuff...

Tomorrow is my second doctor's appointment.  I've had one (good) appointment and one (good) ultrasound.  I've been pregnant twice before, but never made it to my second appointment.  Something bad has happened each time, before I get to enjoy the normalcy of doctor's appointments every 4 weeks.  I'm excited.

Monday I decided that I had had enough.  I never claimed to be superwoman.  As soon as I had that positive pregnancy test I called the hospital and told them to have the epidural ready in 8 months!  Just kidding.  But my point is, I'm no hero.  And Monday morning I called the doctor and said, "HELP!"  Many more words than that, but the end result was a prescription for Zofran and my tummy finally returning to a semi-normal state.  I couldn't even drink water, and I was dehydrated.  I'm not ashamed to admit, I couldn't handle it!  Working was almost impossible.  Now I feel sooooo much better.  I can eat, I can work, I have more energy.  Thank God for Zofran.

I still haven't continued work on my pregnancy scrapbook.  I'm hoping tomorrow, my day off, I'll be able to.  I want it to be up to date, but I need to print out a couple pictures first.

Is it bedtime yet?

How it Started

Do you want to hear the story of how I found out I was pregnant?  Well I'm gonna tell you anyway.  Because this is my blog and I can blog about what I want.  :)

First off, I really thought I was pregnant this go round.  So much so, that I started a scrapbook.  Before I even knew I was pregnant.  I kept telling myself it wasn't a good idea, because chances are I wouldn't end up pregnant.  But I started it anyway, with just generic things so that whenever I did end up pregnant, I could just fill it in. 

(I've been so sick that I haven't even touched the scrapbook since I found out I was pregnant!!  I'm hoping to today...)

So let's go back to July 3, 2010.  I got up pretty early because we were leaving for our (last vacation ever as just the 2 of us) cruise.  I took a pregnancy test that I'd bought online.  A cheapo test.  I thought I saw a vague shadow of a line.  Hmmm...  I knew it was still very early to be testing, but that little hint of a line gave me hope.  Until John couldn't see it.

I had horrible stomach issues all that morning, so much so that I couldn't imagine getting in a car and driving 3 hours to the port in NYC.  I got none of the housework done that I wanted to do before we left.  Thankfully I felt better by the time we had to leave, and I packed a few pregnancy tests, still hopeful and planning on testing Sunday, July 4, 2010, on the boat.

Fast forward to us making it onto the ship (after both lying on the form that asked if we had any intestinal issues in the past week or so.  I honestly thought mine might be from pregnancy, and John had had some colitis flare up...nothing contagious!)  We got into our room and got unpacked.  After exploring the ship (and eating a burrito) I decided to take a shower before dinner.  When I went into the bathroom I saw my pregnancy tests sitting there and couldn't help myself.  I knew it was too early to get a positive.  I knew it would be better to wait until the morning.  I also knew I wasn't going to wait.  :)  This time I used a digital Yes/No test.

I took the test and waited...and waited...and waited.  It took so long (supposedly 3 minutes, it felt like 3 hours!) that I was sure it would pop up "No".  But to my utter amazment and sheer joy, that little screen showed the word "Yes" it all it's glory!

I couldn't believe my eyes and I burst out of the bathroom into our stateroom, ran up to John and shoved the test in his face!  Needless to say, we were both ecstatic. 

The worst part was having to wait until we got home to tell our families!  We told them all as soon as we got home, but swore them to secrecy until we had a good ultrasound.

John asked me near the end of our vacation if the test was negative, would that have ruined my vacation?  I'm glad I don't even have to go there.  :) 

I have a precious little baby, about the size of a raspberry, growing well inside me right now.  I cry at everything, gag at everything, and can't wait to meet our little miracle.  I don't know if there has ever been a more prayed-for baby than ours.  I love you little Baby Nuz!

Things that make me go *puke*

Because I love lists soooooo much, I decided to bless you all with some facts you may or (probably) may not care to hear.  Here's a list, in no particular order, of things that make me want to, or make me actually, throw up.

1. Feeding the dog.  (Dog food smells YUCK!)
2. Thinking about saltines.
3. Lemonade.  (Which helped at first...but not now!)
4. Brushing my teeth.  (Worst part of my day.)
5. Cooking anything.  (Meat, veggies, pasta, doesn't matter.)
6. Toast.  (Again, used to work...)
7. Water.  (The only beverage I really like.  I can't drink it.)
8. The smell of my car air conditioner.
9. (Sometimes) my prenatals.
10. Any kind of standing for any period of time.
11. Food Network.  :(
12. Milk.
13. Clothing that is even the slightest bit tight.
14. Heat.
15. Too much air conditioning.
16. The smell of our basement.
17. Ground meat.  (Any meat, really.)
18. Talking.  (Sometimes.)
19. Being too tired.

Notice pizza isn't on the list?  That's what I'm having for dinner.  :)  Wish me luck...

What I came home to...

John called me on my break today and hinted that there may just be a surprise waiting for me when I got home.  He wouldn't answer any questions I asked, and I had no clue what it might be.

This is what I came home to:

You see, John's been a little worried about the amount of Yankees gear we may be receiving as baby gifts.  Our house is definitely split right down the middle, Yankees vs. Mets.  (Although John would argue that Zoe is a Mets fan.)  So he took matters into his own hands.  :)

Since the baby is right now a part of me, I think he (she?) is a Yankees fan.  But I guess it's half me and half John, so it could go either way.  :) 

where I stand

Here's where I am right now: beyond elated.  My happiness is far exceeding any happiness I've experienced before. 

I'm also so sick.  My stomach is upset all day every day.  This morning I had the lovely joy of throwing up my toast before heading out the door to work.  Nothing I eat settles very well.  I'm to the point of almost being scared to eat anything.  Even water makes me nauseous.  I feel like my baby is getting no nutrition because I can barely eat!  Hopefully the prenatals are enough for now.

I got my first baby gift from Missy.  :)  An adorable white ducky outfit, a monkey/blankie combo (that is SO soft!) and a pair of blue socks.  The blue socks are for John, since he's really hoping for a boy!

I feel like we have so much to do before the baby comes.  And yes, I know we have quite a long time.  But we have lots to do!  Unfortunately I don't feel like doing anything...so I haven't been doing anything!  Once the 2nd trimester hits and I get some energy back, I'm hoping to tackle some major projects.

Have I mentioned how incredibly happy I am to be pregnant, sick and all?!  I am!  I look ahead to when I get to hold this baby in my arms, and I can't help but cry.  What an amazing blessing.  I can hardly believe it's true!