Fear

Fear has become an ever-present aspect of my life, in just a few main ways.  I live constantly with the fear that I won't get pregnant.  Likewise, I live constantly with the fear that I will get pregnant.  And the fear that I may lose another baby.

Is fear a sin?  I don't know.  Does it mean I'm not trusting God?  I don't know.  I try.  I really do.  But obviously if fear is controlling so much of my life, I'm not trusting Him like I should be.

I'm here, once again facing a due date that should have been a happy occasion.  Once again just willing the day to pass so I can get on with my life.  I was going to keep this date underwraps.  To try and be strong and go through it, just John and me.  I don't even know if anyone knows the date, and that's the way I wanted it.

But trying to be strong when I'm not is dumb.  I don't want to need the support of others, but I need it nonetheless.  I don't want to have this day that only reminds me of what I don't have.  But the day will come, regardless.  Then a month later, I'll have another day, that should have been my first baby's first birthday.

The thunder and rain today fits my mood.

This is my 200th blog.  Some of those blogs were not posted because I kept them private.  But this is my 200th blog written.  I was trying to think of something fun to do, that's why I haven't posted in a few days.  But this is what's on my heart today, and I've got to get it out.

Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

~William Shakespeare

dream (basket) weaver

To understand the true significance of what I'm going to tell you, you'll need some background information.

1. I never win anything.
2. I love free stuff.  (Who doesn't?)
3. My sisters and I were recently lamenting the fact that we have no baskets.  My Mom (and Mother-in-law, and other women their age) has all these baskets.  She uses them for bread, chips, pretty much anything.

So there I was, mourning the fact that I had no baskets, as well as the fact that I never win anything.  I was reading through some blogs and came across a giveaway.  Now, I've seen giveaways on blogs before.  Plenty of times.  But I never enter.  Well, I rarely enter.  I just never feel like I even have a chance of winning.

(Side note: this lack of entering could, just possibly, have a direct impact on my never winning anything.)

This contest, however, didn't have many people entered yet.  So I entered.  All I had to do was comment.  As many times as I wanted!  And comment I did.  Many times.  I lost track of how many times.  But I wanted to win!!

Well it just so happens that entering a contest gives you a better chance at winning!  And I won!  A $40 gift certificate to http://www.csnstores.com/!  And this is what I bought!

I love my baskets, and I was so happy to get them this week!  A big thank you to Elizabeth over at http://www.harmonysong.blogspot.com/!  I still can't believe that I won!!!

 

Memorial Day

I'm forever grateful for those men and women who have sacrificed their time, family life, energy and even their lives.  All so that I can have the freedoms that I enjoy in this country.  Sadly, these freedoms are taken for granted so often.  Take time today to focus on this: American soldiers gave up their lives for you.  American soldiers are fighting today to protect you.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 

John 15:13

This Memorial Day is pretty low-key for me.  Some house chores, and that's about it.  I was going to try and make it to the church picnic, but I'm not feeling that great.  I don't really feel like driving that far (plus paying to get in).  So I'll be hanging out at home.  John is working 7am till 7pm.  Enchiladas are on the menu for dinner, then we're going to play games and hang out!  We've had a busy week, so it'll be nice to hang out, just the two of us.

Wordless Wednesday

Remember slap bracelets?

Props to you if you know what this is:

Or maybe this will help:

I was gifted with this bracelet/animal combo this morning at work.  One of my kids gave it to me.  Apparently I'm hip now; this is the 'new thing':

Anyone else as out of the loop as me?  I had no idea....

Not Me! Monday

It's been some time since I last posted a Not Me! Monday entry.  I'm sure I have some catching up to (ahem) not do.  :)  Want to join the fun?  Head on over to MckMama's blog and link up!  (Or not...whatever!)

It was definitely not me who forgot to eat before heading to church Sunday morning.  I, in turn, did not eat a Cadbury Egg before the service that was a gift from a friend.

It also was not me who shirked all household responsibilities to play on my new computer.  Nope!  I'm always so responsible, finishing my chores before I spend time doing frivolous things.

On my day off last week, I definitely did not neglect to brush my teeth until the afternoon.  Of course not.  That is disgusting, and something I would never do.

What have you not done this week??

words of wisdom

Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

Matthew 5:4

Blessed are you who weep now,

for you will laugh.

Luke 6:21

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18