Giving Thanks

I've decided that I have a lot to be thankful for. Even though this past week has been the most tragic week of my life, so many other people have it much worse than us. This child being taken from us, for whatever reason, is the worst thing that has happened to us. But in the midst of heartache I have found so much to be thankful for.

My husband is the best in the world. Even before we knew what was wrong, John managed to get a couple hours off in the middle of the day to drive down for the ultrasound. He had to turn around and go straight back to work, only to leave again an hour later, or so. He walked with me down to the OR and kissed me and told me it would all be ok. He brought clothes to the hospital for me to go home in. He took care of the baby gifts I had already received so they weren't sitting right on the table when I got home from the hospital. He spent the night at the hospital with me, being woken up every time they had to take my vitals or bring me to the bathroom...or fix my annoying beeping machine. He took Wednesday off, no pay, to take care of me all day. He got my meds, bought me soup, and got my mylanta. :) He encouraged me to still go to the Taylor's, and checks on me often just to see if I need anything. I'm so happy that I'm married to John. I'm not happy we had to go through this, but there's no one I'd rather go through this with that him. I am so thankful for him.

I have a family that loves me and would sacrifice anything to be with me when I need them. I am so thankful for them. They dropped everything they were doing, literally at the second they heard what was going on, and rushed to my side. Each time someone arrived in my room I started crying again, partly because they all were crying, partly because I was sad about losing my baby, but mostly because it touched me to know how much they cared. They prayed for and with me, they visited me, they brought me flowers, meals, cookies and more. I am so thankful for my family.

I also have great friends. :) When I had been home from the hospital for a little while the phone rang and the called ID came up on the TV screen: Liscom. I immediately started crying and debated for a second not answering because I was crying, but I did anyway. After I said "hello" in a weepy voice I waited only to hear sniffling on the other end. (Sorry to bust you, Jame:) I'm so glad to have people that will call even when they don't know what to say, even when it might be awkward, but just because they love me and want me to know it. And to know that Jess was praying for me early in the day, when she found out I'd left work. She didn't even know the reason, but knew to pray. And today, I spent the morning at the Taylor's house. I had been planning on having breakfast there with Sarah since our husbands were working today. I'm glad I still ended up going. They're friends who are more like family, and I can be myself around them and know that they just care about me and love me. We sat around after breakfast playing games, I laid on the floor for awhile, just hung out. I'm so thankful for their hospitality and caring.

I'm very thankful for my job. It can be stressful, but I have a great boss who was understanding and flexible when I had to leave right away for the doctor. I've cried in her office more than once, and she's always very caring. I got a beautiful flower arrangement the day after my surgery from work, and it was so sweet of them. I also know that they're all praying for me, and I know every prayer on our behalf is helping us cope.

I'm thankful for my dog. She has been so sweet...almost like she can tell something is wrong and that I'm not 100%. It helps to have a soft furry dog to pet when I'm feeling sad.

I'm thankful for the peace I have that can only come from God. I don't understand why this happened, but I don't have to understand. Life doesn't always make sense. I just have to take what's happened and move on, a stronger person. If this situation allows me to help even one person who may go through this after me, than it's worth the pain.

There's a lot more I'm thankful for, but I'm tired. So I'm thankful for my bed, and that I can go lay down and not get up until....whenever I want. I'm a little sore tonight, probably from doing too much today. I've had horrible pain in my shoulder from where the carbon dioxide settled after the surgery. My incisions are hurting a little too, but the drugs help. Soon I'll be back on my feet and my only reminders will be tiny scars and empty arms. I pray that God will bless us again soon, because I want a baby so bad.

Thank you, if you've actually read this whole thing. I think I'm tending to ramble a lot now. One more thing I'm thankful for: people who have gone through this before and understand exactly what it's like. Even though every situation is different, losing a baby is hard no matter what. There are no more words. It's hard. It will continue to be hard. Somehow, we'll get through this.