Worse than I could have thought

John thinks I'm crazy for getting online (myspace, facebook, blog) but I just want everyone to know exactly what's going on, so maybe I'll have less questions to answer.

Because of increased bleeding I called the doctor Tuesday morning, requesting to be seen as soon as possible. I got a 10:45 appointment. They did a pregnancy test, which was positive, of course (I think that's the 7th one I had...). She checked me out and sent me for an ultrasound and 3 days of bloodwork, Tuesday, Wednesday & Friday. So I went from the doctor's office to Bellevue for the ultrasound. I somewhat knew what to look for on an early ultrasound, and didn't see what I wanted to see. Of course, the tech's can't discuss it with you. So after it was done the tech said to stick around for awhile so someone could discuss the results with me, instead of going to get bloodwork right away. I thought that was a bad sign. I waited for awhile, and then the tech came back and said my doctor wanted to see me back at the office. Bad sign again.

I went back to the doctors to receive the horrible news that I had an ectopic pregnancy. I never expected this in a million years. I have done my fair share of pregnancy reading, so I knew exactly what it was, and what the outcome would be. I really didn't experience any pain, so I was taken by surprise. After waiting for an hour after receiving this news, the main doctor showed up to discuss it with me in more detail. She explained it was on my left side, even though the egg was released from the right side. Apparently it was a girl, because she had a very bad sense of direction. :) Cruised right past the uterus to the left tube. Crazy kid. Then she proceeded to ask me when I had last eaten, and that surgery was really my only option, which I knew. Didn't realize it would be so fast though! I drove myself from the doctor's office, back to Bellevue (calling John, my parents and Amy on the way). Amy asked if I wanted her to come since John had to travel an hour from work and my parents were coming from Indian Lake. I said no, not to worry, cause she had the kids and everything. Well once I got registered and settled into a bed a couple nurses came in followed by Amy! I was so glad to see a familiar face and have someone next to me to hold my hand. My sisters and John got there not too long after. Then my in-laws came. I'm so grateful to have so much family to care for me. Before I went into surgery Amy prayed for me. She also reminded me that my baby was meeting her cousin in Heaven. I hadn't thought of that yet. Dave and Amy lost a baby several years ago, so now they're partying up in Heaven, waiting to meet us someday. I'm glad they have each other.

My parents arrived immediately before I went for surgery. Dad only got stopped once on the way down. :) I was able to hug them both, then John went with me down to the OR. He couldn't actually go in, so we said goodbye outside the doors. I talked to the anesthesia guy...don't know if I spelled that right. He discussed what he was going to do. Then I got onto the table and they started prepping me with tight socks all the way to my knees and IV drips. I remember Dr. McCarthy coming in and saying hi, and the anesthesia dude saying soon the ceiling would start spinning. I looked up and it wasn't spinning. That's the last thing I remember.

Next thing I remember...mean people trying to pull me out of a lovely deep sleep. I did NOT want to wake up. But eventually I did. I remember my Mom and John being there, and someone told me that 4 people had to hold me down at one point. Maybe I was being combative...I don't know. Then I woke up again and my Dad was there, then Pastor Jim came. Soon after that I got to go to my room! I shimmied onto my bed and got situated, then the family came in. They left at some point...my times are a little confused I think. Then John spent the night with me. I was woken up a few times for vitals, IV refills and bathroom breaks. I got a bagel and coffee for breakfast, then got to come home.

Now I'm sitting here...not by myself, so I'm okay. Christine and John are with me, I got to talk to Jamie on the phone, and my parents should be here soon. I go back and forth emotionally. I know there was no other option, but I'm so sad. I'm sure I will be for awhile. I'm out of work through next week. Please pray for me, physically and emotionally. I know this is going to be a rollercoaster ride over the next weeks. God's plans are best, even when we don't understand them. Hopefully I'll be posting about a new pregnancy in the near future!