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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

One year...and one week

Today is November 25, 2009. Today is a day I've been dreading for awhile. I struggled my way through Mother's Day. July 18th, which would have been my due date for my first baby, was an extremely difficult day. Today marks the one year anniversary of losing my first baby.

One year ago today I called the doctor and insisted on being seen because I was concerned. One year ago today I was sent for an ultrasound, then sent straight back to my doctor to discuss the ultrasound. One year ago today I heard the words "ectopic", "surgery" and "emergency". One year ago today I called my husband, parents and sister-in-law to tell them I was checking myself into Bellevue for surgery. One year ago today I cried more tears than anyone should have to cry in a lifetime.

One week ago today, I couldn't go to work. One week ago today, I spent the day in bed. One week ago today I was in pain, physically and emotionally. One week ago today I called my husband at work to tell him it had started. One week ago today the harsh reality that my heart was refusing to grasp became far too real.

Only God knows why this has happened. Only God can see the end result and know that this will all work together for good. All I can do is trust and believe. And trusting and believing is what I'm trying to do. What I'm striving for.

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