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Friday, October 2, 2009

How to kill take care of a centipede

Or any annoying, disgusting, frightening bug. Most any.

Sorry Christine, about earlier. Maybe this will help you.

First of all, once you locate the trespassing bug, do not, I repeat do not walk directly under/near it. Surely the bugs can sense our fear, and would love to nest in our hair. Try to remain atleast 5 feet from said bug. If you must walk closer than that, hold your breath and run as fast as you can.

Keep a close eye on that thing. There's nothing (except what happened to my sister today) worse than losing sight of it and not knowing where it went. Do not attempt to whack the centipede with a shoe. Very uncertain outcome, and the most likely result will be the pest flying towards you and landing on your shirt. Do not use any type of tissue/paper towel/toilet paper method. I mean, really, why would you even want to? Any of those methods leave you much too close to the offending offender. And to have to squish it under your fingers....oooo, I have goosebumps thinking about it.

So what do you do? I'm glad you asked. Step one, go get your vacuum. I'm hoping you have a vacuum like mine: no bag, sucks up things ferociously and spins them around inside at speeds which induce, um, annihilation. Hook up that looooong hose end. Plug in the vacuum. You're ready.

Proceed to the spot that is currently housing the critter. Hope that it's still there. When you're close enough to suck it up, turn on the vacuum. It's now or never. No hesitation. (This is where I think you went wrong Christine.) Put the end of the vacuum hose directly onto the bug. Show no fear. Show no mercy.

Continue to run the vacuum for a minute or so, to assure death. We don't want them climbing out now, do we? If I can find a tiny pebble or something to suck up in the meantime, I'll do it. Can't hurt.

This process has been successfully used to eliminate spiders, centipedes and other small annoyances. I have been known to do this at 5am in our hallway before I let the dog out. I do not like bugs at all. If you couldn't tell.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

LOL I love it. I was totally freaked out every time I went upstairs yesterday. I still can't think about it or I get goosebumps. Shaun was mucho disappointed in me trying to use the vacuum cleaner. He's like "that thing has no suction!!" :) Says the man who kills centipedes with scissors.