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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

what I wish for most

You start off with dreams.  Ideas of who your child will be.  And despite what I may have wanted to admit, I'll admit the truth.  All I wanted was a healthy child, one without deformity or disability.  One that could make it easily through life.
When I think of my little boy in his school years, I'll be honest.  What I imagined for him was popularity.  Sports.  Smart enough to do well.  Handsome (of course!)  My main desire?  That he would fit in.  That he would have friends.  That he would be 'normal'. 
Things have changed since I've spent the past year and a half raising this boy.  I have changed.
Now what do I want for JJ? 
I want for him to be a friend.  A friend to everyone.  A friend to the friendless, the popular, the different, the outcast, the disabled, the friendly, the new kid, the shy kid, the jock.
I want for him to stand up.  To stand up for himself, for what he believes in, for those who can't stand up for themselves.  To speak for those who can't, or won't, even when it's not the popular thing to do.  To stand up to those doing wrong, not caring what they think of him. 
I want him to have compassion.  To not judge a person by their circumstances or their choices.  To really see the inner good in everyone.  To care, to love.  To ache over the hurt of others.
I want him to try.  Try and succeed, try and fail.  Either way is okay with me.  Just as long as it's not a life of mediocrity, scared to make an attempt.  I want him to take the leap, even if he's scared, even if the next step isn't clear.
I've been mulling over the "Be the change you want to see in the world" quote lately.  It can cross over to so many parts of our lives.  Be the change you want to see in your church.  Be the change you want to see in your family.  I'm well aware that who JJ is yet to become depends largely on what he sees and experiences.  Am I a friend?  Do I stand up for those who don't have a voice?  Do I live my life with compassion?  Am I willing to step out in faith and try, even when the pathway is shadowed and dim?
I don't have it all figured out yet.  Obviously.  But my prayers have changed.  I pray for JJ in new ways now.  I can only hope I'm doing what I need to in order to instill in him the things I desire to see.  Time will tell.  And I can't wait to see the boy and man he becomes.

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