never alone.

I'm contemplating having to buy a condolence card.  I have to get out and purchase it.  But that's the easy part.

In light of what is nothing short of a massive tragedy, I have found myself trying to make sense of that which makes no sense.  I've been thinking about it a lot.  Putting myself in the place of parents who have lost a son.  Friends who have lost their friend.  Siblings who have lost their brother.

Thinking of final hours, moments, is not easy.  It's not pleasant.  It's heart-wrenching.

But here's what I've come up with.  It gives me some small measure of peace to understand it this way.

When Jesus died on that cross, taking your sin and mine upon Himself, God turned His face away.  According to Jesus' own words, he was forsaken.  I'm no theologian, so no judgement here please, this is just how I understand it.  Because of the ugliness of MY sin, YOUR sin, Jesus was forsaken by his Father.  God turned His back on Jesus in his death.

But.

Because of Jesus dying alone for me and for you, this dear one did not die alone.  None of us know exactly what happened in those last moments.  It can be excruciating to go there in your mind.  But here's what I do know: Jesus died a horrible death, alone on that cross, so that this one would NOT be alone.  Regardless of anything, he was not alone.  Jesus was there.  Because He would not turn his back on him. 

This helps me a little.  Thinking of a loved one being alone in the end is sad.  But he wasn't alone.  God was there, because He loved him.  Anyone who accepts the gift God so freely gives will never be alone.  No matter how deep the despair, how painful the loss, God is there. 

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves

those who are crushed in spirit." 

Psalm 34:18

happy christmas

Blessed in so many ways, we had an amazing Christmas.  Celebrating JJ's first Christmas was so much fun.  He really got into opening the presents; he loved ripping the paper!

He even enjoyed pulling stuff out of his stocking.  There were some yummy treats in there!

Mommy was very spoiled and received a very nice camera that she wanted (Canon Rebel T3).  This resulted in maaaaany pictures being taken!  Unfortunately, none of my Christmas Eve pictures with the Nuzback's came out.  Christmas Day we headed over to the Cunniff Christmas and we had tons of fun!

I'm glad the busy-ness of Christmas is over, but the time spent with family was wonderful!  We truly are blessed!!



Nine Months

Eating

JJ's still on his same eating schedule.  The only differences are the new foods he eats!  Pretty much anything I'm eating that I think he might like, I let him try.  He loooooves mashed potatoes and rolls (he is his father's son).  He's tried tons of things, and he likes them all.  He really enjoyed feeding himself mashed potatoes the other night.  What a mess!  And what fun!  :)

Sleeping

Nothing really new here.  He's still a great sleeper.  Sometimes his naps are a little shorter than others, but he'll just hang out in his crib if he wakes up early.  Such a great kid.  A few times lately, though, he's woken up from his nap too early, so he's still really tired, but he sits up and then instead of laying back down he just cries and cries.  I go in, lay him down and give him his binky, and he almost always goes right back to sleep.

Playing

JJ still loves to play.  He has tons of toys (even more now, since he was so blessed at Christmas!) and he loves to sit and play.  However, now that he's mobile (more on that below!) he only wants to play with things that aren't toys.  Like computer cords.  And Daddy's papers.  And basically anything that's not meant for him!  :)  He's learning what no means, and we're doing a lot of redirecting!  He loves to play with tupperware on the kitchen floor while I'm doing dishes or cooking, so that helps me get things done!

Developing

We have a CRAWLER on our hands!  One day he started moving forward, and he hasn't looked back since!  He doesn't seem too interested in trying to walk, but he does love to stand by things.  He pulls himself up to his knees.  Only once have I seen him attempt to get up to his feet, but he gave that up quickly.  :)  He tried to pull himself up by a dining room chair and it tipped over and landed on him.  :(  Poor baby.  He cried, but some hugs and kisses from Mommy helped him feel better.  He feeds himself all kinds of things now, he claps his hands, he makes all kinds of silly faces and he sounds like he's trying to sing.  He is SUCH a happy boy, always smiling and laughing.  We have so much fun with him.  I've honestly enjoyed every stage with him, but John is really enjoying this stage.  :)  Oh, we now have 4 teeth!  And he is never cranky!!  Just extra droolly, and then the teeth appear!

Stats

His 9-month appointment isn't until after the New Year, so I'll update back here with his stats after that.  He's been healthy and happy, I couldn't ask for anything more!  **UPDATE** At 9.5 months JJ weight in at 20 lbs and 3 oz, and was 28 and 3/4 inches.  My perfectly average boy, 50th percentile for both!  (Also may have some signs of allergies.  Watching that.)

outtakes:

what? i have a blog?

I could blame, blame, blame, but truth is, I think of blogging and just don't.  When I just signed on here I found JJ's 8 month post waiting to be finished and published.  Today he turns 9 months.  Shame on me.

There's been lots of changes going on over here.  Work, automobile, baby changes.  I'll save the baby changes for JJ's 9 month post, which I promise to get to.  As for the other changes?

John should be starting his new (working days, weekends and holidays off!) job by the end of January.  We could not be more excited!  His crazy shifts never bothered us too much before, but now that JJ's around a more normal schedule will be most welcome. 

We sold my Toyota.  *sniff, sniff*  It was time.  I loved that car so much, but with John driving a Chief vehicle for another year, plus having the Jeep, it didn't make sense to keep it.  Logistically or financially.  (Note to self: stop forgetting to cancel the car on the insurance!!)

My past month at work has been busy.  Christmas Programs, staff party (which resulted in JJ's first sleepover at Grammy & Grampy's) and just keeping up with my regular stuff.  I love what I do there and I'm blessed with an amazing place to work.

JJ and I spent Thanksgiving in Indian Lake because John had to work.  We had lots of fun!  It was a whirlwind 24 hour trip, but he was a trooper.  It was nice to be in Indian Lake for Thanksgiving again, I hadn't been there in 5 years (for Thanksgiving...I've been there for other things)!

Our days and weeks fly by.  I'm soaking in every minute with my little man and I'm so thankful to be able to be a part of so many special moments with him.  While wrapping Christmas presents I had to choke back tears when I filled out a tag that said, "To JJ, Love, Mommy & Daddy."  When I think of how blessed we are with him...it makes me so happy it hurts.  I'm so excited to experience his first Christmas with him.  Every day with him is a blessing I don't take for granted.  I wish everyone got to see what a happy, adorable, playful boy he is all the time.

Okay...I'll be back either later tonight or tomorrow with a 9-month update.  I promise.  Until then I have London Broil to broil and potatoes to cook and mash.